“Is a Heart-Centered Life Worthy of Your Effort?” ~ Rolf Gates
There’s a saying in yogic philosophy: “When you ask, the teacher arrives.”
I first questioned whether I wanted a heart-centered life during the quiet stillness of quarantine in 2020. As the world shut down and my usual distractions vanished, emotions I had long swept under the rug surfaced. I was holding on to so much pain and hurt, not with someone, but with myself. Forgiving the parts of myself that didn’t always have my best interest in mind was my work. That teacher was wildly uncomfortable, but thankfully, the practice showed me its tremendous capacity to support us along the way.
The four primary heart qualities Rolf referred to when he asked whether a heart-centered life would make sense in our lives are Loving-Kindness, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy, and Equanimity.
Loving Kindness: the desire for oneself and others to be happy, safe, and free from suffering. An active decision to choose kindness and appreciation in ordinary, everyday moments.
Compassion: A willingness to stay present with suffering. Rather than spiraling into victimhood, despair, or pity, we allow the tenderness of the heart in response to pain. We cultivate the ability to be with what is, to stay present, and to create space for suffering in our lives and in the lives of those around us, without numbing to it or pretending it doesn’t exist, while discovering a soft, tender heart that genuinely wants to alleviate it.
Sympathetic Joy: Celebrating another person’s success, happiness, or good fortune as if it were your own. Rather than living with envy, jealousy, and a scarcity mindset, we open ourselves to the abundance and joy that are always available to us.
Equanimity:A deep, unshakable balance of mind and heart. It’s allowing life to be as it is, with the capacity to accept the truth of the present moment exactly as it is, without clinging to what is pleasant or running from what is painful. It’s staying in the game with our broken hearts.
The classical practice for cultivating these qualities is Metta Meditation: a series of short phrases repeated to yourself, a benefactor, a neutral person, someone who challenges you, and all beings.
May (I) (you) (all beings) be happy
May (I) (you) (all beings) be healthy
May (I) (you) (all beings) be safe
May (I) (you) (all beings) be free
When asked, it’s so obvious to say, “of course, I want to live like this”. But four seconds later, when someone cuts me off in traffic, takes too long at a checkout line, or is unkind, or lies, or breaks my heart, the absolute hardest thing is to think of extending some form of loving kindness to them. No, they can pound sand while I ruminate on all the ways they and everyone else in my life, now that I’m thinking about it, have ever wronged me, and then I will talk about it endlessly (mostly to myself), ensuring I build an even stronger defense to justify my right to be angry and forever hold this person in contempt. Amen!
Now, please note there is a lot of nuance here. In the simplest of cases, the car pulls in front of me, and I choose the heart-centered path and say, "May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe, may you be free”, and move on. I’m probably going to feel a lot lighter than if I chose to respond aggressively. In the most excruciating of times when we are so angry, are justified in our rage, and want nothing more than our anger to thrive because that is what would feel best, it’s more complex and may need more space and healing through other modalities before we can even get to “may you be free”.
During quarantine, I was able to sit with a very complex pain only after years of therapy and support, and the time had come when I was ready to address what I was still holding onto.
It’s true that the teacher appears when asked, but rarely in the way we envision her. These qualities will look very different through the lens of the practice. And, as always, it’s up to each of us to decide what works in each situation. As we learn to nurture our environment, we cultivate the conditions for the heart's qualities to flourish in our lives. We don’t create the flower; we nurture the soil, feed the seed, care for the environment, and the shoot tunnels its way through the darkness, literally moving earth to grow and become what it’s always been.
Looking back, I’m grateful to have had someone in my life who asked me if a heart-centered life was worthy of my effort. Because if he hadn’t, maybe I would never have known that it was even a possibility.
So, my friends, I invite you to investigate for yourself. These qualities exist within us all, and if the time to let them flourish is now, then sweetheart, know the teacher is about to arrive.
May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe, know peace, find freedom, and walk through this world with lightness and ease.
For additional support along this path, join us for The Heart Series, a four-week course consisting of physical yoga classes, breathwork techniques, and the beautiful gift of Metta Meditation to cultivate the conditions for the qualities of the heart to flourish in our lives.
Cynthia Latimer
